This comes from a Christian elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!*
*In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
* The Jews were a proud people and through out history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
* Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
We met a new member of the family yesterday ....
Stephanie cried when she saw him & Erica held him close
When you sat him on the floor, he immediately went to lay at Shawn's feet
Mr. Rocky (Balboa) Moore, 8 weeks old...he's adorable!
He's small enough that I cradled him in the bottom of my sweat shirt & carried him around today.
I won't be able to do that for long!
Rocky belongs to Shawn, Jane, Stephanie & Erica
To:
Vern & Cindy
Michelle (Cheddy)
Rita & Warren
Becky & Brian
... please send me an email (cmoore2659@wowway.com). Our computer crashed recently & I lost all email addresses. Thank you!
Vern & Cindy
Michelle (Cheddy)
Rita & Warren
Becky & Brian
... please send me an email (cmoore2659@wowway.com). Our computer crashed recently & I lost all email addresses. Thank you!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
May I ask you a question: If you knew that today was the last day of your life, who would you call? What would you say? What act of kindness would you render? What broken relationship would you try to heal?
Whenever we ask a question like that, it always tends to be theoretical because deep inside, most of us expect to live many more years. That’s certainly a reasonable expectation, and I hope it comes true for you.
But perhaps we should take Martin Luther’s advice to live every day with the day of our death placarded before our eyes. Leadership experts call that “living with the end in view.”
I wish to everyone who reads these words long life and good health, but I can’t guarantee it for myself or for my own family, much less for anyone else. Things can change so quickly. Just one phone call and life will never be the same again.
If you intend to serve the Lord someday, why not now?
Some of us need to reach out to people around us. There are things we need to say now:
“I love you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please forgive me.”
“Thank you.”
“I miss you.”
“I wanted to see you one more time.”
“I wanted to squeeze your hand.”
“I wanted to give you a hug.”
“I wanted to hear you laugh.”
“I wanted to see your beautiful face.”
Others of us need to get serious about our relationship with Jesus Christ. “I’m going to serve the Lord some day,” we say. If you are going to serve him someday, why not today? What do you gain by putting Him off? How can you be certain that when tomorrow comes, you will still want to serve the Lord? If you intend to serve the Lord someday, why not now?
In the end, it is Christ who calls to us. He speaks to us today. He stands and knocks at the door of your heart. Will you open the door and let him in? He says, “Come unto me. Come now. Don’t delay. Don’t put it off.” The Bible says, “Behold, now is the day of salvation.” The sweetest word and the most solemn word of salvation is the little word “today.” Jesus said to Zaccheus, “Come down out of that sycamore tree. I’m going to your house today.”
Today is the day of salvation. Tomorrow may never come. If you can find one place where the Bible says, “Come to Christ tomorrow,” then I will come down from the pulpit and never preach again. But the Bible always says today—not tomorrow. Come to Christ while you have the opportunity and while you have the desire. Consider these words by Henry Twells:
When as a child I laughed and wept, time crept.
When as a youth I waxed more bold, time strolled.
When I became a full-grown man, time ran.
When older still I daily grew, time flew.
Soon I shall find, in passing on, time gone.
O Christ! wilt Thou have saved me then?
For some who read these words, Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, knocking, knocking, knocking. Will you open the door and let him in? Many years ago Holman Hunt painted a classic picture called, “Christ Standing at the Door.” It depicts Jesus at the door of a lovely English cottage. Everything seems normal until you study the picture closely and discover that there is no doorknob on the outside. Why not? Because the door to the heart must be opened from the inside. The painting is true to life and true to the Bible. If you hear the Lord knocking at your heart’s door, do not delay, go now and open the door and trust Christ Savior and Lord. Don’t wait a second longer. Do it now.
Written by Ray Pritchard
Whenever we ask a question like that, it always tends to be theoretical because deep inside, most of us expect to live many more years. That’s certainly a reasonable expectation, and I hope it comes true for you.
But perhaps we should take Martin Luther’s advice to live every day with the day of our death placarded before our eyes. Leadership experts call that “living with the end in view.”
I wish to everyone who reads these words long life and good health, but I can’t guarantee it for myself or for my own family, much less for anyone else. Things can change so quickly. Just one phone call and life will never be the same again.
If you intend to serve the Lord someday, why not now?
Some of us need to reach out to people around us. There are things we need to say now:
“I love you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please forgive me.”
“Thank you.”
“I miss you.”
“I wanted to see you one more time.”
“I wanted to squeeze your hand.”
“I wanted to give you a hug.”
“I wanted to hear you laugh.”
“I wanted to see your beautiful face.”
Others of us need to get serious about our relationship with Jesus Christ. “I’m going to serve the Lord some day,” we say. If you are going to serve him someday, why not today? What do you gain by putting Him off? How can you be certain that when tomorrow comes, you will still want to serve the Lord? If you intend to serve the Lord someday, why not now?
In the end, it is Christ who calls to us. He speaks to us today. He stands and knocks at the door of your heart. Will you open the door and let him in? He says, “Come unto me. Come now. Don’t delay. Don’t put it off.” The Bible says, “Behold, now is the day of salvation.” The sweetest word and the most solemn word of salvation is the little word “today.” Jesus said to Zaccheus, “Come down out of that sycamore tree. I’m going to your house today.”
Today is the day of salvation. Tomorrow may never come. If you can find one place where the Bible says, “Come to Christ tomorrow,” then I will come down from the pulpit and never preach again. But the Bible always says today—not tomorrow. Come to Christ while you have the opportunity and while you have the desire. Consider these words by Henry Twells:
When as a child I laughed and wept, time crept.
When as a youth I waxed more bold, time strolled.
When I became a full-grown man, time ran.
When older still I daily grew, time flew.
Soon I shall find, in passing on, time gone.
O Christ! wilt Thou have saved me then?
For some who read these words, Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, knocking, knocking, knocking. Will you open the door and let him in? Many years ago Holman Hunt painted a classic picture called, “Christ Standing at the Door.” It depicts Jesus at the door of a lovely English cottage. Everything seems normal until you study the picture closely and discover that there is no doorknob on the outside. Why not? Because the door to the heart must be opened from the inside. The painting is true to life and true to the Bible. If you hear the Lord knocking at your heart’s door, do not delay, go now and open the door and trust Christ Savior and Lord. Don’t wait a second longer. Do it now.
Written by Ray Pritchard
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Dawn & son Michael
Dawn recently sent an email letting us know that Michael is having a birthday on Oct. 15.
If you'd like to send him a card or note, his address is
E1 Batwinas, Michael D.
LSSR
USS Benfold DDG 65
FPO AP 96661-1283
You'll have to get a card out right away if he's to receive it on time.
For those who might not know ... Dawn is Clyde's niece ... the daughter of Vern Moore who lives in Ohio
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